There I was alone with a broken heart
It was ripped to shreds and torn apart

No longer caring if I lived or died

Sometimes just wishing I could run and hide

And not face the world and all of its mess
Feeling powerless to face all the stress

Wouldn’t end my own life cuz its not mine to take

It belongs to God now for a new man to make
So I tried my best to fight through the heartache
At times the pain would make my body shake

So there I sat with my face in my hands
(Probably listening to my favorite metal bands)
Trying so hard to drown out the pain
But my tears still fell like an Autumn rain

Fighting to stay sane I bow my head to pray

“Please send me an angel to wipe my tears away”

Several years later I had given up hope
But with the help of God I was learning to cope
The pain was still there, but not so much as before
Little by little my heart began to restore

But then one day that angel finally came

As beautiful as can be, and Adri was her name

Through talking we found we were very much the same
Just another broken heart that was feeling kind of lame

Same goals, same views, same interests and such
It comes as no surprise that I love her so much
So beautiful, she is, with her Ebony colored hair

And the prettiest eyes, how I love it when they stare!

She easily melts my heart with just a little smile

And she can make me feel better in just a little while

Her beauty goes so much deeper than just the outer surface
She cares about others even when they are feeling worthless

I tell her of my flaws, she doesn’t judge but shows love

I see Christ in her life, the image of God above

Whenever I am with her, all my pain just disappears
She has this soothing presence that calms all of my fears

If I ever start to cry I know she’ll wipe away my tears

I won’t find another like her if I search a million years

I just want to hold her close and never let her go

She’s the love of my life, and I want everyone to know

And as the love of my life, I’ll protect her with my life

Together we will conquer all trials that cause us strife

If my outer shell is butter, I guess that makes her the knife

I want to be with her always, I hope one day she is my wife

I long for her presence I always want her near me
If anyone tries to hurt her, you know they better fear me

In return I will love her and kiss all of her scars

And hold her close to me as we gaze up at the stars

My angel she is, and I know that’s nothing new

But the best part about it is that I am her angel too!

She DOES exist!

... and by "she" I mean the woman of my dreams...  I finally got to meet her this weekend when I went down to Orlando on vacation...  I went down to meet my friend Adriana and Patrick... two people I actually met on xanga that I have formed a strange yet fascinating connection with by talking with them for well over a year now...  There is another named Angela, who visited actually visited my church last week but she did not get to go down to Florida this time... but she already had before to meet Patrick and Adri.  I had talked to Adri on the phone a couple times before going on this trip.  I am unsure of the exact point when it happened because it happened so gradually, but Adri and I fell for each other inspite of the physical distance between us...  But I wasnt sure if she had fallen for me yet when I went (though she dropped some clues that lead me to believe she did)  and so I wanted to meet this girl who I had fallen for and to see if she had fallen for me...  I left Friday morning around 9:30am and arrived at my hotel just after 5 oclock...  I had just put in 50 cents in the pay phone to call Adri and let her know I had arrived when she called me, so I was able to push the coin return button and get my money back...  Her mom drove her to the hotel lobby where we finally got to see each other in person for the first time...  To my surprise, her mom was going to let her ride in my car and she told me to have Adri back at her place by midnite...  (Adri joins the party)Well the car trip made me hungry so we went to eat dinner at the Olive Garden since Adri and I both love Italian food.  Adri took some pictures of us while we were waiting to be seated.  Afterwards, we went to a big plaza with a bunch of different stores and hung out there for awhile...  We wanted to sit and talk and I wanted a private setting so I could tell Adri how I felt about her...  So we went to my car and talked and I talked to her about it and she felt the same way.  So we basically cuddled for the rest of the night and talked until it was time to take her home.  (Adri leaves the party)The next day we met for lunch (Adri rejoins the party) and then went to the mall to meet our friend Patrick.  (Patrick joins the party)  Patrick, Adri and I started off at Hot Topic since Adri had gotten a gift card for Christmas from Angela.  We went to Gamestop and talked and looked around there for awhile, and then we wanted to pray together so we found a table off in the corner in the food court area and sat down and prayed about some personal things that I have been going on in some of our lives.  I won't mention what those things are though.  We then took pictures of the three of us and I grabbed a random dude to take a picture of all three of us.  Patrick had to return home and so it was me and Adri again (Patrick leaves the party).  I wanted Adri to have something from me that would symbolize me when I wasnt around her anymore... so we went to Toys R Us... wow hadnt been there for a long time...  and I wanted her to pick out a stuffed animal that she liked and I would get it for her so that it would give her something to hug that was tied to me when I wasnt around...  But she said she wanted me to choose it for her, so I chose this bear and she adored it, so I was happy.  We then decided we wanted to see the movie "The Pursuit of Happyness" but it was too early so we hung out until then at Family Christian bookstore and sat outside at one of the tables until it was time for the movie.  We were both thirsty when it was time to go to the movie, and we really didnt feel like spending 5 dollars for a mere drink at the theater...  So I put my gatorade in one pants pocket and and Adri's Pepsi in the other and went to the theater...  I looked sooo supicious...  But with my mad smuggling skills we were able to sneak the drinks in, thus avoiding the trouble of buying drinks at the theater.  The movie was a lot more crowded than we expected, given the amount of time this movie had been out, but we were early, so we got good seats.  Adri and I both really liked the movie.  It was really touching and the fact that it was based on  a true story made it better.  It was about 9 when the movie was over and I couldnt find my wallet at first, but when they turned the lights back on, I saw it sitting inbetween two chairs... I have no idea how it got there, but was relieved when I found it.   We hadnt had dinner yet, so we got pizza and then we drove back to Adri's apartment and sat in the car and talked... and of course cuddled for a bit.  We stayed there til 11 or so and then Adri went inside and I returned to my hotel.  We wanted to stay up longer, but we needed to be at church the next day at 8am, so we both needed to go to sleep early (Adri leaves the party).  The next morning I called Adri and she said her mom wanted to pick me up instead of me pick Adri up, so I rode with Adri and her mom to church (Adri joins the party.  Adri's mom joins the party).  Adri and I were so excited that we got to go and worship God together for the first time.  I really enjoyed the church service, and afterwards Adri and I went to the alter together to be prayed over and to pray about somebody that I know who shall remain nameless.  They also prayed that I would have a safe drive home.  After church, Adri's mom had to go to work (Adri's mom leaves the party) and she left Adri with me.  We had an hour or two before lunch so we cuddled for a bit before eating lunch at a latina place... can't remember the name.  They had really good food, we had this chicken and white rice in this sauce... not sure what kind of sauce but it tasted good.  After lunch, we wanted to cuddle one last time before I left for home.  We also did some praying for some of our friends and for each other.  I was going to pray for Adri and my relationship when Adri started praying about it... and she prayed the very things I was going to pray.  This was the most precious moment I had on the whole trip... Just praying together and being with each other...  we then walked to the door of Adri's apartment and then tried to say goodbye for about two hours, but we just kept holding each other.... exchanged a few kisses and finally We were able to say goodbye... (Adri leaves the party) It was really hard for us though because we enjoyed being together so much.

So yes, this is the woman of my dreams.  We have so many things in common from major things like beliefs and outlooks on life, down to the smaller things like similiar hobbies, tastes in music, tastes in food...  It seriously feels like we were custom made for each other.  There is nothing traditional about our relationship at all, in fact, it defies most of the traditional dating "rules", but those of you who know me also know that I have never been one to be tied down by tradition.  I know some will think I am crazy or stupid for going for somebody that I met on a website...  I used to think such things were crazy too, and I wasnt on these sites to meet somebody like that...  But that is just the way things worked out.  I do believe that God brought the two of us together reguardless of what some more traditional people might say about it.  Adri is everything I could possibly want in a woman and I am so happy that she is in my life even though I dont get to be with her physcially very much.  She and I both have things we need to accomplish before we can move on in our lives (mainly, school) and I know that if we did live close together, I would have a very hard time focusing on school because I would want to spend all my time with her.  So I see the wisdom in us being physically apart right now.  Not that it makes it any easier on me as I really want to spend as much time as I can with her.  I never thought I would be able to trust a woman like I trust Adri.  She is so genuine and doesnt try to hide behind masks.  She lets me see her imperfections as well as her strengths and I respect that a lot about her.  And not that it is too important, but she is also one of the prettiest women that I know.  Those who like to prejudge will be turned off by her gothic look, but I simply love it.  And most importantly, she and I are both in love with Jesus Christ and seek to keep Him in the center of our relationship and both of us are committed to keeping ourselves sexually pure until marriage.  I really don't think I could ask for a better woman than my beautiful Adri. 

Oh so Beautiful!

I guess its time for another blog...

So yeah, I was talking to my friend Adri tonight (love ya Adri) and that made me decide what I wanted to talk about...

We were talking about how beautiful night time is and how we both enjoy star gazing.  When I look at the night sky, it reminds me how things opperate in this life.  The night sky is full of darkness, while this fallen world in which we live is also full of darkness...  But in the night sky are beautiful lights, the stars and the moon.  This world in which we live has its lights too...  The biggest light, which is the light of Jesus Christ, and then the lesser lights, the followers of Christ (at least those who are living a life worthy of the One they worship).  Even though the night sky is mostly darkness if you look at the percentage, the lights are spread everywhere and are enough to keep it from being completely dark.  Similary, even though there is so much darkness in this fallen world in which we live... there is still enough light spread across the darkness.  The light of Christ reaches the darkest of places just like the stars and the moon reach the dark places of the sky, making it beautiful. 

There are so many deep dark places in this world.  For example, think about a hip hop club in some downtown area where people are getting drunk and high, and they are glorifying topics such as satisfying sexual lust, shooting people, dirty dancing, numbing the pain of life with drugs...  But then you have hip hop artists like Mars Ill, 4th Avenue Jones, and many others who God has given incredible talent and use that talent to lift up Christ.  These Christian artists are able to bring the light of Christ even to a place such as this.  I know first hand because I have seen it live and in person.  Because these artists are so talented, the people listen to them.  The same thing can be said of concert venues where Hardcore/Metal bands play...  One of the most outspoken Christian bands out there is a band called Becoming the Archetype...  Many of their lyrics are like praise and worship songs, and yet they have been given so much talent and sound so awesome that they are invited to play at secular venues like The Masquerade...  Then on a global level... Wow, I went to Ukraine once, and we helped out some churches over there reach their communities... and even though we spoke a different language than the people there... we still loved these people and felt a connection with the Christians over there because we knew we were both praising Jesus in our own language...  And this only scratches the surface...  There are things going on in the world that I can't even mention because it could put some people in serious danger...  that is how dark this world is... but the light of Christ still illuminates this world even in those places.

So even though things have felt rough for me lately and I have been feeling down, I have peace in the fact that I am a part of something that is oh so much bigger than me, and would continue even if I were to cease to exist.  I am glad to be a part of this.  In spite of how I feel,  I see these lights all around me, illuminating the darkenss that surrounds me.

Well, I guess that is all I have to say... this is long enough.  I love you all and if you don't know what I am talking about, I pray that you find Christ as well and become a light that helps to make this dark world a better place.

A Christian Defense of Celebrating Halloween

Some Christians have a serious problem with other Christians who dress up for Halloween and go trick-or-treating, or parents who allow their kids to do so.  Although I was raised on this belief, I no longer hold that belief, and see no good reason to believe this.  In this document, I will attempt to give reasons as to why a Christian should not feel guilty for celebrating Halloween and why Christians should not judge those who do.

The reason why some Christians have a problem with this is because of the Pagan origins of the Holiday.  Since the origins are "Satanic" or "Pagan" in nature, then they say we should not join in by wearing costumes and going door to door for candy.  In other words, because this is a day where Pagans (and perhaps some Satanists) celebrate something about there beliefs, by Christians joining in the same activities as they are, then we are in essence, celebrating Pagan beliefs or Satan with them.  The reasons why I disagree are as follows, some of which build upon each other:

1.  Is the act of dressing up in a costume and asking for candy evil in and of itself?  I don't know any Christian who is willing to admit this, unless the person is dressing up as a demon, devil, spirit, witch, etc...  As such, it is the timing and day in which Christians do this that other Christians disagree with.  Therefore, Christians essentially say that this is Satan's day, and Christians should not join in.

2.  Satan has NO authority to claim ANY day for himself, and in fact, every day belongs to God!  I will even go as far as to say that if a Christian refuses to celebrate Halloween on the basis of it being "Satan's day" is doing Satan a favor by allowing him to have a day at all!

3.  Worship is mainly an issue of the heart.  Therefore, if Christians are not worshiping Satan or agreeing with Pagan beliefs in their heart (Or even thinking about the Pagan origins of Halloween) while they are dressed up going door to door for candy... then they are not worshiping Satan or agreeing with pagan beliefs by doing so.  Here is my Biblical reason for believing this.  Consider this similar situation in the Bible:

1 Corinthians 8: 4 So then, about eating food sacrificed to idols: We know that an idol is nothing at all in the world and that there is no God but one. 5For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as indeed there are many "gods" and many "lords"), 6 yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.  7But not everyone knows this. Some people are still so accustomed to idols that when they eat such food they think of it as having been sacrificed to an idol, and since their conscience is weak, it is defiled. 8But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do.

This passage also relates to my reason #2... there is only one true God.  If somebody eats this food sacrificed to idols (or in the case of Halloween, participating in events that have Pagan origins) and they worship God alone, then there is no cause for condemnation, just as the food sacrificed to idols does not defile the Godly man who eats the food.  Similarly, the one who dresses up for halloween and goes door to door, if they love God, are not defiled for participating in these acts...

To be fair, however, that Bible Passage was in the context of not using such knowlege to be a stumbling block to others...  So if one is with those Christians who believe celebrating Halloween is wrong, then one should not "destroy the person for whom Christ died (verse 11 in the passage)" by participating in such events in front of the person with a weak conscience.  But in this case, it is being a stumbling block for another person that is the sin, not the act of participating in costume wearing and trick or treating and halloween parties.

In conclusion, if dressing up in costumes and going door to door for candy and having costume parties is fun for you, and there is nobody around you who would be offended by such actions, then by all means, go ahead and do it guilt free...

God is awesome!